The impossibility of being prepared

This is part two of the bad reasons not to create a tulpa series.

We frequently see the sentiment that one should not create a tulpa if one is scared or worried about tulpamancy. The idea of waiting to create a tulpa until essentially comfortable with the idea is, obviously, a good one. However, we sometimes see “then don’t create a tulpa!” reflexively hurled at newcomers expressing their worries, accompanied by little if any detail, and this is badly missing the point.

If you created your first tulpa by deliberately following guides and ideas from the tulpamancy community, let me ask you a question. (If that isn’t you, you should be able to follow easily anyway.) When you first learned about tulpas, did you have no worries or fears at all? Did you look at the idea and think, “Oh, having another person in my head? Awesome! No, nothing could possibly ever go wrong with that! This is obviously perfect!”

If your answer was yes, you’re either full of B.S. or you’re a remarkably confident person. In the second case, congratulations, but that’s not how it works for most of us. The normal progression is that you get intrigued by the idea, think it might be right for you, and then you think through the problems and try to find ways to resolve them. This means that, even if you completely satisfy every worry before you begin, which is unrealistic, at some point prior to that you were still worried or afraid.

Being worried is not surprising, nor does it mean that you are not cut out for tulpamancy. Being worried is natural, because tulpamancy is a highly subjective experience and there’s no way to try it out or know what it will be like before you begin. Perhaps a comparison with physical parenting is appropriate here: Imagine you and your partner are expecting your first child. You can spend as much of the next few months as you want reading books about parenting, pondering names, talking to your family and friends, and buying unnecessary, overpriced crap for your baby, but no matter what you do, when the baby is finally born and you walk out of the hospital with it, you are ultimately going to be unprepared for what comes next. There is nothing whatsoever you can do to experience what it will really be like to have your very own child before you do, and once you get there you certainly can’t go back (the memorable day in my middle-school health class when my teacher left the TV on while rewinding the video of a baby being born notwithstanding).

This is not to say that all the preparation was pointless. One of the most helpful things people can do to get a vague idea of what their future experiences are likely to be is to talk to other people who have had that experience in the past. And this is exactly what people are doing when they start posting questions about the things they’re worried about on tulpamancy forums or elsewhere. Having “then don’t create a tulpa” thrown in your face at the point where you’re specifically trying to make yourself a more responsible host must be quite irritating.

I don’t think it’s possible to have a child or create a tulpa and have absolutely no apprehension about what’s coming up. It does not follow that you should never do either. The right goal is to hold off until you are reasonably comfortable that you are responsible enough and can handle the uncertainty that necessarily has to remain. “I don’t feel comfortable enough yet” is a good reason to continue trying to satisfy your worries until you do feel comfortable, or until you decide it’s not right for you at this time in your life (or ever). It is a bad reason to decide that you should give up on tulpamancy.

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